Innocent Sorrow
by shadowdreamster
Summary: It is ironic how people find light in the darknes, but somehow my light is a portal. That's insane right? But you seriously won't believe the people I meet. And magic? What is that? SxS and TxE! Please r&r!
1. Chapter 1

**Innocent Sorrow**

Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura, nor do I own its characters.

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**Introduction**

"_Pain…like a knife protruding out of my heart. Life ebbing away from me…"_

Sakura like cherry blossoms. That's my name. I don't think I was properly named though. It would've been better if I was named Sorrow or something, maybe even Fake. That's right; I'm fake, like a vacant shell, waiting to cease from this world.

I am empty, with no dreams, with no hope. Being happy is part of my fake getup. Don't get me wrong…I'm not emo or something. Emo people are more pathetic than me; wearing nothing but black, cutting, trying to commit suicide, that's just plain crazy! I can smile when I see my friends. I can pretend that I'm happy. You are wondering how someone like me can get friends. Truth is I don't know, but my little group of friends consists of Yazamaki, Chiharu, Rika, Hiroshi, and Sashiru.

I am smart, with perfect marks in everything; every mother's perfect dream…but I don't have one. It happened so long ago; but I remember it vividly like it just happened yesterday. She died because a drunk driver swerved to our side of the road and crashed into us, her body was shielding mine when it happened. The last thing she said to me was "Live Sakura, and remember I love you…," her voice trailed off and that was the last time I ever heard her voice. That day I lost my innocence, that fateful day, I lost that spark in my eye that indicated I was a child; my body would forever feel hollow. My mother died the day I turned 7.

I feel guilty…did she really die because of me?

I often see Mother under the sakura tree, her hair flowing around her face; a glowing angel. I'm hallucinating I know, my mother died 10 years ago, but there's always a part of me that yearns for her touch. Dad went into immediate depression when he found out that his beloved Nadeshiko had died in a fatal car crash. It's funny come to think of it. You can't even call him a proper parent. He say's that I'm a failure, always beating me when he comes home drunk. It's hard for me to hide the bruises at school.

Even though I suffer all this…a part of me still exists somewhere. I still hold my undying love for books. People say that I'm a book-worm, but they don't know the real meaning that books hold for me. They are an escapement from this filthy world full of hatred. It's ironic; I live in a world of words rather than reality. I don't mind because books are a pass into my own world of fantasies and words; something beautiful, a world that I wished I had.

I'm talented in a way that no one really knows of. It's funny, really, because that talent is thinking of ways to prolong the things that I have to do. I'm your typical everyday procrastinator, except I'm more successful than most people. I read people like they're open books; I can tell when they are faking or not.

Playing piano is my "scream escaper". Every time I get screamed or beaten at, it's what I do. Pure bliss. Complete silence. I actually enjoy the Mozart crap. I have a tendency to draw when I'm bored. It's what I express my feelings with no matter how ugly they are.

I hate weekends because it means spending more time with Fujitaka, being beaten more often and never getting enough peace. No one knows of my "relationship" with him at home. To everyone, he's the kind father who has liver problems (because of drinking).

In rage he has often kicks me out of the house or threatens me with the kitchen knife. I don't know how I endure all this torture but…I have a will to live; to be strong like mother, and become what she would have wanted me to be. I will prove that I'm not a living failure; I'm not going to give in to the darkness. What I know is, life is a game; play it good or bad, it's my own choice. But…will it be good?

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Authors note: So how was it? I know that it's kinda different because when did Sakura get perfect marks? How is she good at math? And why the heck is she NOT happy anf cheerful? WTF? Well I don't know and I promise you'll know in the future (somehow). Anyways this is just a thing for you to get to know Sakura and no...I don't think it's really a part of the story. So read on and tell me what you think


	2. Chapter 2

**Innocent Sorrow**

**_Disclaimer:_** I will never own Card Captor Sakura, nor will I own its characters

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**Chapter 1 **

"_Pain is my lover; it holds my heart and sings, but never out of the soul because I don't have one."_

_Sakura's POV_

The alarm clock blared. I forced my emerald colored eyes open and groggily stopped it. I groaned 6 A.M. I was never a morning person. I yanked my school uniform out of my closet and put it on, stopping in front of the mirror to check if it was inside out or creased really badly. I went into the kitchen to find dad already gone.

Probably going to drink himself into stupor, then come home to yell and beat me. It was the routine he established a long time ago. It was rare to se him even sober, when he was, he usually cried and mumbled something about how much I was a failure and how my mom should have lived instead of me.

I fixed some lunch, grabbed my bag, and started out the door. I locked the door and started walking toward Tomoeda High. I'm 17 years old and turning 18 on April 1st, I'm a senior and am moving onto college next year.

I passed Penguin Park pausing to look at the bench my mom and I sat together so many summers ago. I shook my head as the hallucination appeared; I hope I don't need to go to some asylum for crazy people. I continued walking.

The sun rose, framing my silhouette against the wall.

I met Chiharu as I was going to class. I made sure my fake smile was firmly plastered on my face before I approached her. Her face was all cheery. Her hair danced around with each step, the smile she had was full of happiness I lacked…

She waved her hands at me. I forced my hands that had been glued to my sides all morning into a curt stiff wave. I didn't know…was I that good of an actor? Can people actually pass me, by my fake actions? A smile, a wave each day in which both mean nothing to me…yet still, no one gets pass my barriers.

"Hey Sakura!" Chiharu called.

She quickly seized my arms and dragged me into my first class, which was reading. This class brought me out of my temporal lobe. The smell of old books as we sat in the library calmed me.

My seat was in the very back; the most pleasant place in the library. People and even the teacher would forget about me, not that I minded. With no one to bother me with their "small talk"; this was my paradise. It's not much but it's enough to keep me satisfied. In the smallest terms.

Reading class soon ended to my great disappointment. Math, my best subject, but most hated class of the day came next. I packed my backpack…well more like stuffed things in and left. Ms. Usagi, my math teacher gave detention even if you were a couple of seconds late. She would look at her students like prey and mock understanding. Her black eyes gleamed like a hawk's and her thin lips were always curled up in a smirk.

I dodged students as I rushed to her class. I cursed my schedule mentally; why the hell is my reading class so far from math? Fate was determined to be on my enemy's side. I ran the last few steps to her classroom. BRIGGGGG!

Great, just great she is totally giving me detention. I open the sickly colored green door hoping she wouldn't notice. Unfortunately, she was standing right at her desk drumming her ridiculously done fingernails angrily.

"My luck" I moaned.

Ms. Usagi narrowed her eyes at me and smiled devilishly. "Detention, my dear? I quite sure that you're aware of that." The rest of the students snickered. Oh why, oh why does she hate me so? I sighed. Probably because I'm the only one in the class that can answer her ludicrously designed math problems. I let my face burn up, purposely.

I slowly walked over to her desk. Her pale face I noted was full of amusement, as she filled out a detention form for me.

A slip of paper flew past me and landed on the floor. I growled mentally in anger cursing Chiharu for throwing it at me. I snatched it up and crumbled it. Casually I strode to Mrs. Usagi and took the detention slip from where it laid on the desk. I turned around and started walking toward the door. A sharp jab of "Miss Kinomoto" stopped me in my tracks. I whirled around to look at Mrs. Usagi.

She played with her nails and said, "Next time this happens you get a referral on your permanent record."

If she though I was scared…she was wrong, I wasn't. Anger flared through my veins, my lips curled into a sneer, "Well Mrs. Usagi, I look forward to it." I slammed the door shut on her stunned face and quickly shuffled down the halls to the detention room.

Before I entered I paused to look read the contents of the paper balled between my clenched fist. On the paper was Chiharu's scribbly writing:

_Meet us at lunch by the big oak tree!_

I sighed, and tore the paper into shreds and threw it in the trash can as I entered the room. I practically threw the detention slip at the teacher as he held his hand out. He glanced at it, grunted, and pointed to a seat randomly.

I sat down and surveyed my surroundings; 2 kids sat in the corner laughing and chatting away. A blonde boy next to me eyed me smugly. I gave him a disgusted look and continued. 3 people were sitting together engrossed on something in front of them.

I glanced at the clock, groaning inwardly; 9 o' clock. Great, three more hours until I had lunch. Detention is really boring when there's nothing to do. I took out a sheet of paper and started doodling on it. I was so bored that when I was interrupted by a small nudge I noticed that I had started to draw cartoon characters like Superman.

I glanced at the person who nudged me and threw him a dirty look. The blonde boy ran his hands through his hair and smiled. Mentally, I thrust a sword through his head. This was the only down time on being pretty.

I picked up all my stuff and moved myself to some other seat and resumed doodling on the piece of paper. I glanced at the clock every now and then…waiting for the damn bell to ring. Seriously, I was cursed because every passing minute felt like a lifetime.

BRINGGGGG!

I bolted up, looking as if the world had exploded. I had no idea what happened the past three hours. The blonde let out a snicker. I ignored him, quickly grabbed at my doodling sheet and slung my backpack over my back. Swiftly, I zoomed out the door.

By, the time I had arrived at the oak tree, Chiharu, Yamazaki, Rika, Hiroshi, and Sashiru, were already there. Chiharu grabbed my by the arm and sat me between Rika and her.

"So, how was detention?" she pressed.

"This blonde guy kept eyeing me like I was this slut or something" I answered in a bored tone.

At this, Hiroshi and Sashiru clenched their fists. It was obvious that they both liked me. That was the reason they were in this group right? Too bad they were too stupid to notice. Chiharu just giggled at their actions.

I glanced at Yamazaki. As if on cue, he grabbed Chiharu and sat her on his lap. I watched, disgusted, as she fed him a piece of her food. If this is what being boyfriend and girlfriend were like, I certainly didn't want one.

I opened my lunch and pulled out yesterday's leftovers; sushi. I picked up my chopsticks and started eating. Rika was babbling on about the latest romance book.

"Ne, ne Sakura did you read _Lost Romance_?" She asked.

"No," I answered promptly, "what is it about?" Rika was the only one in the group that I could strike a conversation with. It's only because she shared my passion of books.

"It's about this girl that isn't really interested in romance, and then one day she finds her prince charming and they fall in love!" Her eyes were full of hearts, I sweat dropped. "You know Sakura; she reminds me a lot about you."

"What are you talking about, Rika?" I let out a nervous chuckle, "Everything makes you think about me."

She dropped the conversation. I sighed. "Good" I thought in my mind, "now she doesn't have to probe into every relationship I had with a boy."

Truth to be told I never had a boyfriend. I never liked anyone, for some reason they were all assholes. Not that I've never been asked out…I just turned all of them down.

All the boyfriends I had told Rika about were the ones I made up.

I reduced to picking my food.

Hiroshi eyed my food hungrily. "Have it" I offered, "Pig" I muttered under my breath as he gobbled it down like he hadn't eaten in 10 years. I stood up and started walking back toward class.

"Hey where are you going?" Yamazaki asked.

Fake smile on my face I replied, "I don't feel really good and well I want to get a good seat while I'm in detention since it's crammed with people so…" I shrugged and walked away. You have no idea how easy I lie. I walked slowly back to the school building and trudged upstairs. On the way to the detention room I stopped at the library. I started browsing randomly at the books on the shelf. Before I had a chance to pick out a book, the bell rang.

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Authors Note: If you think this chapter is too short and you would like me to make them longer please tell me. I still didn't shown you the portal but you'll find out soon I guess...So do you like it? Find out what happens next…if you review! 


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